Lotuses and Prayer Beads
by demonic blood shed666
Summary: ever wonder what could of happened with Gozu in epiosdes 33-34? what could have been said? kanda and gozu have a conversation about religion and things get fiery as kanda's temper flares and gozu learns more about kanda than anyone else ever did. oneshot


If you don't know who Gozu is go and watch episodes 33 and 34. he never shows up after 34, which is a shame, i liked him

Warnins: blood, swearing, major OOC and...**IF ANYONE IS OBJECT TO HEARING RELIGION BEING PUT DOWN, GO THE FUCK AWAY! IT'S QUESTIONED AND BASHED HERE SO LEAVE NOW IF YOU DON'T LIKE THE IDEA.**

For those who stayed, please, enjoy.

Gozu sighed as he brought the wet cloth back over to the Exorcist's blood covered coat. There was a rather thick layer of the crimson grime all over the shoulders and chest, the normally white collar now a complete red.

The stuff just wasn't coming off. With another sigh the Finder looked up from his task toward the small pond where the Exorcist resided.

The man was currently attempting to get rid of the crimson rivers off of himself, the white sleeves drawn up towards the elbows to keep from getting wet as delicate looking hands dipped into the ones pristine waters. A few of the flowers rippled from the movement, the pink lotuses closest to the frail looking body bobbing on the water's surface.

With a frown the young man thought of how dirty the flowers would become if any of the blood managed to get onto their petals. The Exorcist had explained that lotus flowers actually lived in the soils of lakes and ponds, just resting their for possibly a millenia before deciding to take their rise. When they decided that they wanted to see the sunlight, feel its glorious, yet sometimes murderous, heat on their petals they fought their way out from under the bedding, swam up from the water until they breached the surface. And with a deep breath as they inhaled their beautiful petals would expand, blooming for everyone to see their wonderous beauty.

The Exorcist was merely stating it as fact, nothing more but to Gozu the tale was breath taking. This batch of lotus had decided to bloom in a rather gloomy encampmant. There were Akuma killing off everyone who so much as even entered the forest, and he should know, after all his two companions had been slaughtered. He was about to be killed as well when the black haired smordsman showed up and grudgingly took him on.

Plus the forest was a rather dark place but with the bright petals shining it seemed like a beacon of hope. A bright light lit in a darkened room for a child who felt that there were monsters lurking underneath their beds or in their closests.

To him anyway thats what they seemed like...but to the Exorcist who had been almost bribed into coming along, after all when an Akuma escapes his wrath an Exorcist has to follow until the pest was killed, they were a nuisance. Dark blue eyes glittered once they landed on the fluttering flowers, an already tense mouth growing even firmer. The blood on the man's face, clothing, hair, and hands only added to the man's suddenly frustrated mood.

Kanda Yuu, the man he had heard so much about from other Finders and Komui, was an enigma. He had heard tales of Kanda's previous missions, how strong he was, how formidable, how Akuma, no matter how many, perished under his swords lethal swipe. The stories were said in bitter tones, as if the Finders hated the fact that they were saying such good things about the man and yet had to admit a bit of admiration to his prowess.

It was odd but he ignored the fact that Kanda seemed to be hated. But after Kanda saved him, even unknowingly, he turned and threatened the young Finder to stay the hell away or die. He refused to have any part in Gozu's mission or the man himself and when he was attacked the idea did a complete 180 and he not only went to the bothersome village, allowed Gozu to get within five feet. The male was nothing but a pile of contradicting confusion but it seemed to fit. As if it were needed.

The other Finder's said that when they met him their admiration ran out the window to be filled with bitter resentment and hate. But for him it only strengthened the blonde's ideals that Kanda Yuu was a strong hero.

And yet the man seemed to despise the lotus. With each look his face got nastier and yet at the same time more grim, as if horrid thoughts plagued his mind. And even though he was dying to ask Gozu kept his mouth shut.

He knew when to draw the line.

And as his hands continued to wash the Exorcist's coat he let his eyes wander.

Kanda had managed to get the blood off of his face and the majority of it out of his hair. It was just his hands that seemed to want to keep ahold of the crimson blood. The handsome face was straun up in aggravation and concentration as he washed, his eyes keep darting towards the flowers lingering a little too close for comfort. Absentmindedly he wondered why it was Kanda hated the flowers but he didn't ask.

And than, for some odd reason, his eyes were drawn towards the thin wrists, where on Kanda's left arm...was a bracelet of beads.

"Erm...Kanda-san? What is that bracelet exactly?"

Blue eyes slid over towards his own and Gozu had to fight a shiver. The long bangs over the right side of his face quivering. Kanda finally turned his attention towards the beads around his wrist, after finding whatever reasoning he could in Gozu's too wide eyes.

"They're prayer beads. Japan has a much different way of doing this from you British idiots." The response was practically lathered with tension and sarcasm, as if bating the young Finder on.

And it worked.

"So...you're not Catholic? You're Buddhist?" For some reason Gozu thought he should feel flustered by that. How could an Exoricist believe in something other than what he was fighting for?

He must of voiced the last question allowd because there was a very cold gaze set upon him that immediately sent shivers down his spine. Dainty looking hands slid out of the water as Kanda turned to face him, his own anger masking any other emotion on his face.

And Gozu felt fear. Fear that completly outrated anything the Akuma had managed to bestow upon him.

"Don't give me that bullshit you bastard," the Japanese's words were hissed out in a bubbly cauldron of poison. "I don't believe in any Buddhist shit, I only wear the beads out of cultural traditions." He must have seen some emotion Gozu didn't mean to show because a wicked smirk crossed his mouth. "Oh but I'm not a Catholic either. Your God has no power over my actions. He doesn't even exist."

"But you have the innocence! Isn't that proof enough of God's existance?"

A sneer was all that he recieved and the Finder hastely moved closer, his own expression fierce with determination. Determination to make Kanda see the light.

"Please. These little toys aren't gifts," Kanda was smirking as he observed the younger man's frustrations. "They're curses, and what makes you think they're from your God? Eh? All of you Catholic bitches are so simple minded...if God was oh so powerful why can't he come down here and deal with all of this shit himself?" A mild shake of the head sent blue black hair over one shoulder. "I'm sorry, I mean it. Who knows? Maybe your precious father is in fact a woman."

Gozu, unlike any other Finder didn't explode. He could see it in Kanda's face, he was expecting the other man to get up and throw a tantrum and it startled him a little to see that it didn't. You see there was something Gozu had, a factor that made him stronger than the other Finders.

He respected Kanda Yuu. Therefore he respected hated remarks, he respected enemies and those stronger than himself. He wouldn't run from his fear, he would face it head on so therefore he didn't lash out in fear at the young Exorcist like everyone else did. He gathered the courage that made him strong and acted like an adult. He even managed a civilized tone.

Besides, he wasn't exactly angry, just confused and interested. He wanted to know all he could about this man before him.

"You're right about the gender, no one really know's God's sex however I must say he's far too busy dealing with other things than to battle wars down here. That's why he doesn't help, plus he's testing us. To see who's really strong enough to live and be worthy to live with him."

Kanda rose a thin brow. "As I said before. Catholics are freakin retards. Hell every fucking religion is idiotic beyond compare, the only problems I have with these assholes is because of what they do. They bring spats to whole new levels. And as for the testing thing...how can you know what you're testing for?" He lowered his head, but their eyes remained locked. It looked as if he was issueing a challange. "If heaven and hell really exist what happens if those who fight to stay alive are actually those who fall into hell? What if you, who fight so hard for your master's whims, end up in hell's depths?"

"Who knows? All I know is to do what's right."

"Heh. I'm not so sure about you yourself, but the majority of you Catholics are all hypocritical fucks. You say no judging, and yet you judge on race, religion, looks, attitude, sexual preferences, everything. You cause war and genocide over the stupidest of things. You kill over the most retarded of things."

With a furrowing brow that only made Kanda's smile grow in mirth Gozu muttered out, "Than why do you fight on our side? If you don't have faith?" He didn't bother to correct the youth before him about what he just said. He knew of his religion's hypocracy. He knew they caused pain for no reason, despite his beliefs, so there was no reason to correct or question.

"Why do I fight? Why do all of us Exorcists fight? We have no fucking choice! Central comes in and takes us by force if necessary, a companion of mine was ripped from her family at an early age, and tortured all because she wasn't schinrinizing right. Believe me, if I had the choice...the oppurtunity...each and every one of those smug bastards in Central would be beheaded and gutted." There was nothing but fact in his voice, the words marinated in it and the man wasn't even bothered with the threat towards their superiors.

"Fine." Gozu stared deep into those dark eyes, trying to sort out the confusing emotions slashing within. "But if God wasn't real how can the Earl exist? How can such evil live without divine light?"

Kanda's grin disappeared, but where others would be delighted, thinking they'd won Gozu felt as if his side of the conversation was about to decrease rapidly.

"The Earl is evil yes, but have you noticed how his emotions, his actions all vary around that of human emotions. Something so powerful should be above such things don't you think...?" Kanda looked away for a moment before looking back. "And isn't it funny how the records all say he showed up with his Akuma at the same time as the innocence did...at the same era where human scientists were playing with dead bodies and varieties of special chemicals? So convienent wouldn't you say..."

He trailed off, his lips parted and Gozu felt his heart plummet. "You have no proof of such a thing! A human can't create something like that! It's impossible for mere humans to create life!!"

Thin fingers were suddenly digging through the folds of his uniform and he jumped, looking down. Kanda wasn't even looking at his hand as it searched and much to Gozu's chagrin he felt long, thin fingers wrap around the butt of his gun.

His mother had insisted on never going anywhere without the piece of metal, hence why it was with him now. And as he watched Kanda lift it and look it over he recalled just how many times that thing had saved his life previously.

With furrowed brows and a firm frown he watched as the Japanese checked to see if there were any bullets. Pleased he snapped it shut and held the barrel out towards the water.

"Human's can't create life huh?" The soft, thoughtful tone brought his attention away from his missing gun and towards the closed eyes. The wind had stopped blowing as if sensing that something bad was about to happen. "That's left all to your precious God huh?" He cocked his head to the side and opened his eyes. The blue gaze was dead without any emotions and Gozu's little hairs bristled as he tensed. "Do you want to know how I was born Gozu...?"

Frightened yet resigned he nodded.

"You see I wasn't born like you. I wasn't pushed out of some woman's womb, I was pieced together on a small table. There were scientists everywhere, along with doctors and physicians, and let's not forget the biggest bastard of them all, Director Levvirer." The barrel was placed in the middle of Kanda's forehead, directly between the eyes and at the start of the nose. "I'm what you call a Second Exorcist. A creature created by the hands of Central scientists to be a stronger, faster, all around more efficient killing machine in the shape of a human."

Gozu was shaking, barely able to take the information as he watched the finger held firmly on the trigger. His heart was pounding and he feared that this idiot was about to do the worst. And the information he was recieving was mindblowing...yet it couldn't be true.

"Whenever there is a mission that is just downright suicidal, I'm the one who's sent. For you see...even if I die...," eyes strayed to the lotus plants on the pond and Gozu felt they had something to do with all of this. And suddenly those eyes were back on his, narrowed with hate and despair so overwhelming he felt he wanted to wail in the swordsman's place.

And than, out of nowhere...

The loud bang of a doubled gunshot echoed throughout the forest, quickly followed by the Finder's petrified screams as blood, brain and bone flew from the back of Kanda's head. The blonde jumped to his feet as the Exorcist fell back, blood immediately drenching him as brains drooled onto the ground out of the wound as if it were saliva dripping out of someones mouth. One eye was completely decimated, along with the man's nose and the top part of his forehead.

The stench of blood and death, along with the sight was too much and Gozu found himself retching ever meal he's ever had as tears flooded and streamed down his face in waterfalls.

Why? What the hell was that?! Why would he go and do that?! What the fuck just happened?! _What the fuck just happened?! _

Seconds after he finished dry heaving the man leaned against a tree, sobbing his heart out. One hand was covering his eyes as the other clasped at his knees. What just happened? Why? Why, why, why,whywhywhywhywhywhywhywhy-

"Even if I die...I come back to life."

Eyes shot open and Gozu removed his hand from his eyes. His heart was pounding, his instincts telling him to run, to get the fuck out of there, to haul fucking ass and _run_...

"Shut the fuck up you whiny little bitch."

Gozu turned his head and looked, nearly screaming at the sight that awaited him.

Only a foot away Kanda was sitting up, placing all of his weight onto his heels and knees and staring at him. Choking back a scream Gozu covered his mouth as his stomach convulsed.

"Catholics did this...made me like this..." as he spoke blood flooded out of his mouth and much to the Finder's horror the second bullet that hadn't made it out of Kanda's head was reappearing. Rearing it's ugly little body as muscles twitched around it, forcing the thing out and Gozu swalloed bile as he saw the muscles moving inside the Exorcists head and pushing untilfinallythatthingwasgoddamnout!

The bullet fell to the grassy floor, covered in skin, blood and tissue. "Central wanted an Exorcist that could never stop running...never stop killing..." transfixed eyes were mesmerised as tissue and muscles stitched themselves back together in that hole, his left eye socket slowly recuperating. "My healing rate far surpasses any other human and as you can see...even a bullet to the brain can't make me stay dead."

A cord was moving around in that bloodied mass and as it settled into place in the eye socket, white flesh was quickly filling up the gaping hole as blood gushed out of the wounds. "If they can make me...out of different peoples body parts...surely they can make the Earl..." with a sickening churn in his stomach Gozu watched as bits of Kanda's brain molded back into place before the skull was repaired. Soon he was faced with an unwavering gaze of one normal eye and one fully remade but without any skin. "Don't trust Central. You shouldn't even trust any of the churches." His words were garbled, thick with blood and hard to understand but he jumped a foot into the air and onto his feet when he felt Kanda place the gun back into the folds of his uniform.

Finally flesh melded over and Kanda looked normal again, except for the blood running down his face, pooling out of his mouth and the uncharacteristic concern.

"You need to run. Who knows what they'll do to you if they get the chance. Finder's go missing all the time, it's only convienent." The shorter man stood as well and looked in his eyes head on and said in a voice so hard, so cold and demanding Gozu had no choice but to follow.

"Run."

And run he did, past the still Exorcist and as he ran over where the man...died...he felt a squish. Looking down at his boot he couldn't help the bile that rose out of his throat.

Kanda's brain was glued to his foot.

He looked over his shoulder for a second and gaped at the image, an image that would haunt his dreams and wake for the rest of his life.

There was Kanda. And there was a little girl with dark hair standing at his feet, no taller than his waist with gaping holes for eyes and blood streaking down her cheeks.

A man was leaning against the trunk of the tree. He had dirty blonde hair and light colored eyes and a lean build. But he was missing both arms and legs.

There was a rather small woman, only reaching up to Kanda's neck beside him. Dark eyes, dark skin. No hair. Scalp bloodied and nearly torn off and he had no problems guessing that it was because someone ripped it off with force.

There was a man sitting in front of them all, one long leg pulled up with a long arm draped around it. He had pale skin, no blemishes. But there was nothing on top of the the man's shoulders besides a tiny, little, bloody stump. No head.

And then there was another man, a young teen with a handsome face lying on the ground in a heap. Arms and legs were draped uselessly over each other as the teen grinned. He had no torso and no stomach.

They were all facing him and in unison each and everyone of them cried out:

_"RUN."_

And run he did. And he never looked back.


End file.
